Adoption
What do you know about it?
Adoption is the placement of your child with a family who will raise the child as their own. This involves both a legal and emotional process. Although adoption is not an easy decision, it can be an excellent solution to an unplanned pregnancy.
You may feel confused about the decision you are trying to make. Your decision will affect you and your child for the rest of your lives. When you are in the process of deciding what to do, it's best to look at all your options. This involves taking things slowly. Get all the information you can and talk over your situation with professionals that are there to help you, not convince you.
10 Questions Most Birth Mothers Ask About Adoption
1. How can adoption be good for me and my baby?
If you are not a parent, you can still give your baby the gift of life by choosing adoption. You can plan for your baby's future by selecting a stable, loving family to care for your baby. After birth, you can see your baby, name your baby, and spend time with your baby, If youso choose, you may be able to get updates on your child's progress or have ongoing visits throughout your child's life while you continue your education or career goals. Finally, you can be proud that you chose life for your baby.
2. Can I choose a family for my baby?
According to the National Committee for Adoption, there are 1.5 million American couples wanting to adopt children. Yet each year, while 1.6 million abortions are performed, only 50,000 new children are made available for adoption. For every couple that adopts, another 40 wait in line. Birth Choice receives letters weekly from couples longing to adopt a baby. There are even groups of prospective adoptive parents who specifically want to adopt disabled or special needs children.
3. How much contact can I have with my baby after birth and after adoption?
You may have as much contact with your baby at the hospital as you desire. When pl;anning your child's adoption, you can choose a less open adoption that keeps you informed about your child's progress through letters and photos. Adoptive families respect you need to know that your child is loved and happy. If you prefer not to have any ongoing contact with your child and the adoptive family, confidentioal adoption plans are also possible.
4. How soon after birth can my baby go to the parents I choose?
The timing of your child's placement depends on three factors:
- Your preference for the timing of placement
- Legal aspects of the adoption, which may vary from state to state
- The cooperation of the birthfather
Many birthmothers want their baby placed with the adoptive family directly from the hospital. Some women prefer to place their baby in temporary care while they consider their adoption decision. The agency you choose can help with either option.
5. How much will my child know about me?
That depends on what type of adoption plan you choose: open, semi-open, or confidential. Your agency will encourage you to provide your complete medical and social history for your child, no matter what type of adoption plan you make, and in some states, that is required. You may choose to share your identity and where you live with the adoptive family. If you've made an open adoption plan, you may have ongoing direct contact with your child and the adoptive family. The information your child will know about the birthfather depends on his relationship with you and your counselor. Most birthfathers give their complete medical and social history, recognizing how important it is for the child. In some cases, the only information is what the birthmother provides.
6. Does the birthfather have any rights?
Both you and the birthfather have rights. If you disagree about adoption or you no longer have a relationship with him, your agency will work with the birthfather and /or the courts to determine if his rights can be terminated.
7. Can my child find me if he or she wants to search someday?
The law in your state determines when and how your child may access the information in the adoption file. Your caseworker will explain the current laws as they apply to your adoption plan.
8. How can I be sure my child will be well cared for?
Adoptive families approved by your agency must meet standards that are shared with you. Your agency will make every attempt to complete a thorough assessment of potential adoptive families. Prior to finalizing the adoption, a caseworker will make home visits to ensure the child's well-being. In an open adoption, you will see for yourself how well your child is cared for and how much your child is loved.
9. Do I need and attorney or do I pay my agency to assist me with the adoption?
You do not need an attorney and there are no costs to you. The adoption agency will handle all the legal details for you and the birthfather.
10. Do adoption agencies offer assistance with medical and living expenses while I am making an adoption plan?
Assistance with medical and living expenses is available through many agencies. For details about how they can help you, call an agency of your choice.
(Information provide by Bethany Christian Services, 1-800-BETHANY www.bethany.org )
Adoption or Abortion
Decision of a Lifetime
Decisions ... some are small and some are very big. Some don’t affect your life at all. Others have consequences you must deal with the rest of your life.
If you are pregnant and unmarried, you are faced with a big decision. “What am I going to do with the baby inside of me?” There are several options available, two of which are Adoption or Abortion. Let us compare the answers to questions regarding these two choices. In some ways the answers are very similar...
If You Adopt...
| If You Abort...
|
You will be free to pursue your goals and dreams that you had before you were pregnant.
You will not have to care for a baby before you are ready.
You will not have the financial burden of caring for a child.
You will not have to worry about finding a sitter, missing out on the fun with your friends and being tied down.
When you think of your baby, you will think of him or her happy and loved.
You will have precious memories of your baby’s face, fingers, toes, eyes and smile.
You will know you gave the greatest gift of all - a child, to a couple whose hope and dream was a baby to love. | You will be free to pursue your goals and dreams that you had before you were pregnant.
You will not have to care for a baby before you are ready.
You will not have the financial burden of caring for a child.
You will not have to worry about finding a sitter, missing out on the fun with your friends and being tied down.
There is no baby to think of; no smile, no little fingers or toes to remember.
You have only the memory that you ended your baby’s life.
Instead of feeling good about how your pregnancy ended, you may feel sad and empty. |
Take the time you need to explore all your choices. You owe it to yourself to make a wise decision, so think it through carefully.
Some women have said to us at Birth Choice, "I could never give my baby up for adoption. I'd abort before I would do that." We urge them to consider that adoption can accomplish the same goals as abortion. Let's look at the similarities. With both adoption and abortion you can:
- pursue earlier goals and plans
- you will not have to parent prematurely
- you will be free of the financial burdens of parenting
- you will avoid being forced into a hasty marriage
- if you are a teen, you can resume your youthful lifestyle
Now let's look at the differences again.
With adoption:
- your pregnancy ends with giving life
- you can feel positive and proud of your choice
- you will remember giving birth
- you will have plenty of time to plan your and your baby's future
- you can hold, name and love your baby
- you can have continued contact with your baby
With abortion:
- your pregnancy ends with death
- you may feel shame and guilt about your choice
- you will remember taking a life
- abortion is final; you can't go back on your decision
- you will never know or treasure your baby
- you will never know what your child might have been
Adoption means that you are giving your child the gift of a family. You are being a good parent by making a good plan for your child. It is far preferable to be the mother of a child who is alive and thriving in a loving, stable home chosen by you. You will be honored and supported through every aspect of the adoption experience at Birth Choice and our partnering agencies.
Source: Adoption, Abortion: Similarities and Differences, Bethany Productions, Grand Rapids, MI, www.bethany.org, [Adoption Section].